Heavenly Father, are you really there? And do you hear and answer every child’s prayer? Some say that heaven is far away, But I feel it close around me as I pray. Heavenly Father I remember now something that Jesus told disciples long ago: “Suffer the children to come to me.” Father, in prayer I’m coming now to thee.
During this time of trying to have a baby of our own through IVF, I have found myself on my knees everyday with this same simple prayer. This experience has humbled me to a point of feeling like a little child. Oh to be like a child again with your whole life ahead of you. I was the one that always played with dolls dreaming of the day for a family of my own. I have to believe in the second verse of the song:
Pray, he is there; speak he is listening. You are his child; his love now surrounds you. He hears your prayer; He loves the children. Of such is the kingdom, the kingdom of heaven.
Many people have asked why this happens to so many great people. I have very dear friends that have been struggling with the same problems and my heart breaks everyday for them.
Two girls with infertility issues were talking together and one asked the other, "What do you think God meant when he gave us infertility?" and the other answered:
"I think he meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known."
I agree with her completely.
No, God never meant for me not to have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on. I've been placed on the road less traveled, and, like it or not, I'm a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let him down.
What has helped me through all this is when people I love are so generous. This has been such a hard week but the amount of calls, notes, dinners, treats, flowers, and e-mails have been overwhelming. Thanks to my friend Andrea, who inspires me. Thanks to Annette and Christina, Doug has not gone hungry. Thanks to Miggy and my mom, I got my chocolate fix. Thanks for the Dix family, Becca, and my parents our home is filled with beauty. I can not say enough about how much I love and miss my parents.
God has heard and continues to answer my prayers.
7 comments:
Tam Tams - you know C Money and I got your back and we are fully prepared for overnight parties and food indulgences all next week in Wash Heights. Just say the word yo. I already got my bags packed.
Also - your bravery is awesome. To think that you and doug can grow stronger when other people let little things destroy their marriage. Puts life in perspective. Way to inspire us all.
Well said Tamara. It's interesting how Heavenly Father uses different challenges to bring about similar results. It seems like the things we want the most are the very things we must be willing to place on the alter of sacrifice. You're a great example to me of sacrifice, humility and service...sorry if that thought seemed scattered somehow it all connects in my head. :)
Sometimes these little challenges are placed in our way for us to grow stronger but also so we can help others along the way by giving us an empathy that no one else could fathom. Whatever the reason or lack their of, we're all praying for y'all! We love ya!
You should write a book. You express things so well. You guys are both role models for me.
Jeff, I am so excited for you and C to come chill with us. I will be needing your ability to always make me smile:)
Tamara, I am so glad that you got your Easter basket! I am honored to be on your blog roll and will be adding you to mine :) You are an amazing woman. We will be adding our prayers to all the others that you will be blessed with a precious little baby.
This post was so beautiful, but heartbreaking. You know you are in my prayers.
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